


deliberate

by fickleheartistheonlyconstant



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AU - ash goes to japan, Everybody Lives, M/M, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 09:24:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19989808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fickleheartistheonlyconstant/pseuds/fickleheartistheonlyconstant
Summary: ash and eiji return to eiji’s family home after the events of new york.basically soft boys sharing a bed 💖nothing tw worthy apart from ash being sad about his past. nothing explicit





	deliberate

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time posting so apologies for any mistakes and the fact i don’t use capital letters ever.  
> also i have no idea if the naruto reference makes sense chronologically, i’m dumb  
> this hasn’t really been properly looked over and i wrote it on my phone so formatting is probably awful (sorry ;A;)  
> any constructive criticism gracefully accepted!  
> hope you all enjoy!  
> catch me on insta @bethancantcosplay and twitter @beyfbaby

The past 24 hours had been a whirl wind. In fact, the entire week had passed like some weird dream, filled with simultaneously too much sleep and somehow also no sleep at all, unfamiliar places and people and weird gaps in time that his brain had decided to misplace. As he sat leaning against Eiji's headboard, with his knees tucked under his chin, Ash felt much older than his years - although that wasn't necessarily an alien feeling to him. It had just seemed to hit him all at once now that he was here: safely in Japan, perched on Eiji's bed. He never really allowed himself to dwell on the bad things. When the bad things so drastically outweighed the good things, dwelling was impractical. But he didnt want to do it now either. This could finally be it, his shot and he wasnt going to think about the past. Now was all that mattered.

Ash looked up as Eiji gently pushed open his bedroom door. As their eyes met, Eiji beamed. He was holding a shoe box, with the lid held on by several elastic bands. It was filled to bursting with photos, newpaper clippings, certificates, the usual keepsakes.  
'Found them! I knew they were somewhere! My mum and sister are hoarders like you wouldn't believe. Things I did, things with my face on, they must be kept forever', Eiji chuckled gently. 'It's a bit much'.  
Ash almost argued back, almost expressed his wishes for someone who would covet his impact that much, carefully store a record of his happiness. Or that Eiji was special. That he deserved it and if it were Ahs, he'd make a collage of Eiji for every wall. But he bit his tongue. It wasnt the time. Instead he let his friends good humored smile wash over him. A little bit of Eiji always managed to go a long way where Ash was concerned. Especially now, when he didn't feel like he was constantly out to sea. So very close to drowning at any moment. Now he could fully absorb all of Eiji's wonderful aura, like being bathed in sunlight. Ash lifted his head from his knees and met his friends smile with one of his own.   
'I can't believe I never actually saw any of your pictures.'  
'Well, we didn't have a whole lot of spare time, if you remember.'  
I've been trying to forget, Ash almost replied.

'Come on then, Mr photographers assistant. Blow my mind' he said instead.  
But as Eiji hoped on the bed and began to peel off the many elastic bands, Ash suddenly give a huge yawn. Like, comically, if he was acting you wouldn't have believed him, big.  
'Oh my god Ash!' Eiji laughed, but his face quickly changed to one of concern. 'Wait, what time is it? How long have you been up?'  
Good question.  
'I'm not entirely sure, to be honest. About either.'  
'Oh my god Ash!' Eiji repeated, this time was more exasperated though. 'I'm sorry, you should have stopped me! You need your rest and here's me keeping you up with this shoe box of rubbish'   
'Eiji, it's fine. I've survived worse, I want to look at everything'. As he was saying it, Ash's eyelids felt like lead but he would happily look at Eiji's old photos until he was delirious with lack of sleep.   
'No, you are going to sleep. For literally as long as you want and then tomorrow i'm going to make you look at all these picture in painstaking detail. If you're looking at my accomplishments, i want you alert and appreciative'. Even when he was trying to be stern, Eiji didnt have the heart to be serious with Ash right now.

Ash moved to get up but he stopped when he saw Eiji's furrowed brow.  
'What?'  
'Where are you going?'  
'To sleep, like you just told me. I saw your mom pulling out the sofa bed after dinner.'  
'No!' Eiji exclaimed, as though Ash had suggested he was going to sleep outside on the ground. 'That's for me, you're sleeping here.'  
Now it was Ash, who was wrinkling his forehead in confusion. 'But this is your bed, I'm not going to take it'  
'You're the guest, of course you are! You've had a long trip and you're sleeping in this bed'.  
Time to call his bluff.  
'Look if you want me to sleep in here so badly, we can share', Ash replied, barely holding back a smile, utterly convinced Eiji would balk at the idea.  
But to his surprise, Eiji let out a snort of what turned out to be acceptance and started unzipping his jacket.  
In theory, this wasnt a big deal. It was a large bed. Plus they'd shared a room for so long, with the beds pushed so close they slept barely inches apart. They'd slept on floor in sleeping bags huddled together for warmth. Ash had once fallen asleep on his friends lap, clinging to him in a rare moment of weakness. But this was different. This was more.... deliberate. 

In his surprise, Ash realised he was staring at Eiji as he undressed and putting his clothes in a hamper that was tucked in the corner of the room. He hastily moved to remove his own clothes, tossing them to the end of the bed then mentally cursing himself for making a mess.  
You can deal with it in the morning, his rational mind chided him.  
When he was in his underwear he peeled back the sheets gingerly and slipped into bed. God, why was he being like this? He was never like this, he needed to stop pussy footing around. They were sleeping in the same bed, it wasnt a big deal.  
When he looked up, he saw that Eiji was hovering at the foot of the bed, wearing a large oversized t-shirt with some cartoon character on it.   
(Not cartoon, anime. That's what Eiji had said once. In Japan, cartoons were called anime.)  
So it looked like both of them were nervous.

'Am I on your side?' Ash asked, if only for something to break the silence.  
'What?' replied Eiji, 'Oh, of the bed you mean? No, I don't really have a side. You're good'.  
God, he was cute. With his oversized shirt and his nervous babble. Had he always been this cute? Yes he had, but right now he was really giving Ash the works and it was making Ash even more nervous.  
Eiji slipped into bed next to him and switched off the bedside lamp. For a moment they laid in the dark, looking at the ceiling in silence.  
'Thank you' Eiji said, quietly. It was almost a whisper.  
'For what?' Ash replied, matching Eiji's tone.  
'For everything. For coming here. I know it took a lot'  
'It didn't' Ash replied, truthful. It would have taken a lot a month ago. But now it was the easiest thing in the world.   
So much had changed. The last ten years had been nothing more than an existence but in the short time that Eiji had come into his life, Ash finally felt like he was living. Now here he was, sharing a bed with this boy, feeling safe at last. The last time he'd shared a bed with someone - well that didnt bare thinking about.  
He let out a breath he didnt realise he was holding.

'Hey' Eiji turned onto his side to look at Ash and gently placing his hand on top of his friends as it rested on his chest. 'You're safe now. I promise you're safe.'  
How did he do it? Why did it take just a few words from this boy, with his adorably accented english (that seemed to get even stronger as they laid together in the darkness), to bring feelings to the surface that he had successfully pushed down for years? It's a good thing they were on the same side in all this, because unchecked this boy would probably be the death of him. 

As he felt the weight of Eiji's eye on him, his own began to fill with tears - his gratitude for his friend felt too big to stay confined to his body and it was trying to creep out.   
Not today, he willed himself, not right now! It's a good day, I'm happy! But his tears didnt listen to him and began to trickle down his face. He couldnt bring himself to speak. He didnt trust himself with words right now.

'Oh Ash, I'm so sorry. I shouldnt have said anything' Eiji whispered apologetically.  
Ash felt himself being pulled in close to Eiji, being handled so gently like something precious. He tucked himself under Eiji's arm and rearranged their hands, so now their fingers were twined together, as if they were made to fit together.  
'You never have to apologise to me Eiji' he muttered into his chest.

They stayed like that for a while, Ash quietly crying as Eiji softly combed through his hair with one hand and their other hands clasped together, alternating between whispers of comfort - 'it's okay anata , i'm here' - and humming a quiet tune Ash couldn't quite place. Eventually the tears stopped flowing and Ash peered up at Eiji through his blonde lashes.  
'Your shirt... i'm sorry'  
Eiji smiled softly. 'It's okay, i'm sure Naruto will dry'  
'You named your shirt?'  
'No!' he pointed to the character printed on it, 'that's Naruto. Besides, he's probably seen worse. I've had this thing since I was a kid'  
'How does it still fit?' Ash laughed quietly, as he gazed at the shirt. now he looked at it properly, the print did look very faded and the shirt that was probably once black was looking closer to grey.  
'I wanted one so bad, but they only had the biggest size left. I begged my mum to buy it for me. Don't have the heart to get rid of it. We should watch it tomorrow, you'll love it'  
'You're making a lot of plans to say you wanted me to sleep as late as i wanted'  
'Well, we've got the next day. And all the days after that. For as long as we want'.


End file.
